I haven’t listened to this song in a while. Especially since an operation that removed the brain tumor in my head.
Now, I understand why it moved me so much at that time. I was close to not being here anymore.
“I heard about a whirlwind that’s coming ’round
It’s gonna carry off all that isn’t bound, and
When it happens, when it happens (I’m gonna be holding on)
So let it happen, let it happen
All this running around
I can’t fight it much longer
Something’s trying to get out
And it’s never been closer
If my ticker fails
Make up some other story
But if I never come back
Tell my mother I’m sorry”
I guess I did know there was something going on in my head. I was always afraid to die. I still am, but it is slight. I was really close to that. I mean, that tumor has been growing in my head for over 30 years! The doctors don’t even believe it. Most people wouldn’t make it that far.
The biggest surprise to me was the symptom listed as seizures, headaches, and personality changes. I thought I had anxiety attacks, but those were mini-seizures. I had headaches, but I thought that was just due to stress at work. A personality change? Nope, I felt like I was me. But now, a year and a half after the surgery, I feel like myself again. So, yes, I did change a lot over the past 5 or 6 years. I had to focus on the things right in front of me or nothing would be done. This includes friends. I now feel guilty that I didn’t stay in touch with some close friends. I know they don’t understand. They are probably mad at me. It is what it is. I understand their anger. I hope they can see and understand what was happening to me.